A Hangover you Didn't Deserve
by Mizurio
Summary: [OMG I UPDATED! Ch 3 up]Sano and Saitou wake up to some very confusing situations...'Ahou, I don't think we're in Tokyo anymore.'
1. Lack of clothing and in need of a smoke

Hmm.I don't exactly know why this popped into my tiny little brain, but it's been bothering me ever since and I just had to put it up.

At first I ment for this to be just pure comedy, but it ended up turing into something deeper. (ummm...oops?..) It's still humor, but with some dark and mystery themed undertones, and I intend to keep it that way.

Oh, yeah, and enjoy the eye candy at the begining, I didn't describe anything too much. I'll leave it to your own imagination to...fill in...the... blanks...(cough)

Enjoy!

A Hangover you Dindn't Deserve

* * *

**Chapter One**

* * *

Drip…

Drip…

Drip…

Drip….

"Nnn…." It took everything Sanosuke had to barely open his bloodshot eyes. _Is the roof leaking again?_ He thought. _I'll fix it in the morning._ He ignored the dripping water that actually was not form a leaky roof, but from the leaf of an almost barren tree. The brunette snuggled closer to the warm woman pressed up against him, and she tightened her grip around his waist possessively. Sano's hands blindly roamed for her chest.

…What the f—!

Weren't women supposed to have breast? Maybe she just had a flat chest. (AN: Fat chance) His hands roamed down to lower territories...

Holy sh—!

Sano instantly stiffened at what his hand had just grabbed. He may be stupid, but he sure as hell knew that women most certainly did not have…If this isn't a chick…he opened his eyes and tried to straighten out his vision. When his vision came to he found himself face to face with Hajime Saitou, who in turn, was also looking at Sano just as horrified. They were in the middle of nowhere, soaked to the bone from the rain that had stopped only an hour ago, butt naked. Not mention Sanosuke still had not taken his hands off Saitou's…… (Cough, cough, cough…)

Birds chirped happily as the two men stared at each other in the most intense, shocking, and awkward silence they both had ever experienced.

"KKYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!"

Both men let go of one another and ran blindly in opposite directions. Saitou jumped into the bushes near by as Sano gracefully slipped on the soggy grass and slid groin first into the tree they had been lying under. He clutched himself and did his best to suppress the urge to scream bloody murder. He could here Saitou snickering from the bushes. _Damn that bastard_. Sano gazed up at the dull gray sky as small headache made itself known to the back of his head. Letting out a shaky breath as the pain between his legs died down to a small inferno, he picked himself up off the muddy earth and leaned against the tree.

What the hell was going on? He tried to remember what he had done last night. Flashes of familiar faces appeared in his mind. _There's Jou-chan, the brat…the Akebekko, and Kenshin! That's right I was at the Akebekko with the gang…then……darkness……_Sanosuke began to massage his temples (desperately ignoring what they had been on only 5 minutes ago) in an attempt to try and bring back anything that could help figure out why he was in such a mess.

* * *

Saitou badly needed a cigarette, or two, or twenty. He looked back at the rooster-head. He hadn't run off as far as he thought, and he was sitting down back against the tree with the strangest look on his face. Was he actually –thinking-? The older man almost thought it wasn't possible for the rooster. The cop turned away from the other man to think about his own dilemma as a line of ants marched hastily across his path. Being the person that he was, he would have burnt every single one to a tiny crisp out of anger with the fiery tip of his cigarette (His eye twitched as he reminded himself that he had not a single one.) He settled with smashing the insignificant bugs with his thumb.

He couldn't remember anything. All that knew was that he woke up, went to work then…nothing. He was pretty sure he hadn't run into the stupid rooster all day. Or did they run into each other? Did they fight? Or did they…His eye twitched again in irritation as he felt the world twist around him and his vision become blurry.

"Hey, psycho cop!" Saitou ceased his ant genocide and turned back to the rooster-head who was standing right next to him. "Just what are you doing?" Apparently, he'd been standing there long enough for him to see the ant killings.

The cop got up form the ground and towered over Sanosuke, "What?"

The shorter man was about to say something when his attention was turned to the tree behind him. For a moment Saitou thought that it was just his attention span doing its work until the brunette pointed up at the tree branches and shouted, "MY CLOTHES!" Sanosuke ran up and began to climb the branches of the sorry excuse for a tree. There were no leafs, and it looked to be rotting from the inside out. Sure enough, though, both of the men's clothes were hanging high in its branches.

Saitou mentally sighed. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

Sanosuke climbed the dying tree as fast as he could. He passed by Saitou's pants and jacket,and glanced down and for a split second he could see the anger in the cop's eyes. "Get your own damn shit!" Sanosuke yelled to the man below. He turned his attention to his white pants that were only an arms length from him. A bone chilling breeze went past him as he grabbed his pants and draped them over his shoulder.

"Don't get _too_ excited up there." Saitou said mockingly, the freezing air going through him just as harsh, but not ever showing it.

"S-Shut up, bastard!"

He started to make his way to his jacket when there was a resounding Crrraack! The tree branch had snapped into pieces from Sanosukes' weight and gravity began to take its course. To save himself from broken bones, he grabbed onto Saitous' blue jacket.

Saitou could only watch helplessly (well, maybe he could of warned Sanosuke about the unstable branch, but one man could only do so much when nicotine withdrawal begins to set in.) as the garment of clothing was ripped to shreds by the sharp tree branches and fell to it demise. Except for Sanosuke, who, in another attempt at saving his (literally bare) skin, grabbed on to Saitous' pants that were hanging not far off. Though, in doing so, he had sealed the fate of his own clothes as his pants fell to a heap on the soggy earth below.

Small shreds of blue fabric swayed gently in the wind past Saitous' face as all of this settled into the officers nicotine deprived brain. He watched Sanosuke struggle high in the air; one had hanging on for dear life on a slowly cracking tree branch, the other waving around in a desperate attempt to get some leverage. Saitou casually walked over to the tree and picked up the article of clothing that had just fallen from the dangling naked mans grasp.

Sanosukes' eyes met with the other mans down below, and there was a terrible silence that followed, almost as bad as the one before. At that very moment, Sanosuke couldn't help but think about everything that was happening. He'd woken up in the arms of the man he (supposedly) hated the most without the faintest clue why, naked. What had _really_ happened between them? What is Saitou thinking...Sanosuke suddenly felt uncomfortable (and a wee bit self conscious) under the older mans gaze and quickly pulled himself up onto a thicker tree branch in an attempt to focus on the fact that he was many, many feet in the air with no clothes on whatsoever.

This was getting a little –too- weird.

As the awkward stare down ceased Saitou picked up the dirtied white pants from the ground, and he looked back up at the stupid monkey hanging above him, back to looking at the pants, up to the monkey (Saitou was starting to like the rooster's new name), then back to the ugly pants.

He smirked.

Sanosuke panicked.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING DA—!"

RIP.

"—RE!"

CRACK.

"AAAUUGH!"

RIIIIP!

CRACK!

RIIIIP!

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!

THUD!

"Have a nice fall? (You stupid ahou…)"

"……..I (REALLY) hate you."

RIP, RIP, RRIIIIP!

* * *

"I don't see what the big fucking deal is. It was just a stupid jacket!"

"……."

"ARGH! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING!"

"……"

"Fine, be that way (you ugly big baby). But you can't speak in ellipses the whole story!"

Both men had been walking through the dense forest for about an hour. They were now fully clothed and dry, but with a few minor exceptions. Sanosukes' red bandanna was nowhere in sight, which made his (still wet) hair sag down a little, and the humidity wasn't helping much either. His pants looked like they had went through a paper shredder with how ripped up a dirty they were (Compliments of Saitou.) Sanosuke was also wearing his jacket (he had gone back up to get it and with a bit of Saitou's 'help' he'd ended up with a branch in a place where it most definitely did NOT belong.)

Saitou seemed to be better off, at least by Sanosukes' standards (Hey, his hair wasn't looking like he'd just stuck his sword in an electric socket). Saitou was only wearing the blue pants that were a part of his police uniform. His sword had gone M.I.A. (Er, at least that's what Saitou said. Sanosuke, on the other hand knew that the weapon was just plain missing, but thought it best to play stupid. For now.) His black shirt had been lying on the ground next to the tree the whole entire time, but was found too late. It had become a P.O.W. (once again, Saitou terms. Sanosuke was beginning to wonder when the last time the psycho cop had had a cigarette.) Vengeful ants had swarmed the dark fabric and made their base of operations right on top of it. (Saitou reeeeally need's to cut back on those cigarettes. Yep.)

Sanosuke began to think of a away to get the hell out of this dry, dying place. He could just turn around and walk in the opposite direction. It was as simple as that. Then Sanosuke began to remember about how many times he had gotten lost on the way to Kyoto, even with a map and a compass, (well, with what he had considered a navigation devise.) he had still lost his way a number of times. Nevertheless, he'd gotten to his destination in one piece.

_Yeah…I can get back to Tokyo from here on my own just fine…But the question is…_

A crow squawked from above, making Sanosuke jolt slightly. Saitou saw Sanosukes' slight paranoia and smirked, but Sanosuke was too lost in though to notice. The winged animal circled the two a few times before deciding that they weren't anything special, and flew off silently.

…_.Were IS here……?_

"Hey, Ahou, you better keep up, or I'll walk away and _never_ look back."

Sanosuke turned away form the sky to see the dark haired man meters ahead of him getting ready to disappear in to the trees.

"OI, WAIT FOR ME, YOU SCUMBAG!"

Saitou searched his pockets for a pack of cigs' (trying desperately not to look desperate) but came up with only 10 yen from his pockets and small box of wet, useless matches. Suddenly Saitou stopped dead in his tracks, letting Sano walk right into him.

"Oof! Hey, what the hell's your problem?"

"…….."

"ARGH! WHAT THE HELL'S WITH THE GODDAMN ELLIP—MMPH!"

Saitou slapped his hand over Sanosukes' mouth, "SHUT UP!" He ordered venomously, and the other man glared spitefully at him.

Silence……Saitou took his hand away form the others man's face before it could be bitten off.

"I thought I heard some—"

A terrifying scream echoed against the trees and across the forest, making the two on alert instantly. The cries were quickly cut off by the sound of gun fire, followed by a dull thud and a scream of agonizing pain.

Silence….

"The hell was that?" Sanosuke muttered, looking around to find the source if the noise, but each path led to darkness. "This place is so screwed up…." Sanosuke was about to just randomly choose a path and take it when Saitou put a hand on his shoulder and held on with an iron grip.

"Don't…move…." The taller man whisper slowly and deadly.

Sanosuke instantly stiffened at the touch and was on full alert. Another scream pierced the tranquility of the forest and suddenly five men dressed in dark purple cloaks appeared from the bushes and surrounded them.

The hooded figures looked at the two silently for a moment, an internal debate going on between them.

Then they spoke.

"It is decided then, we are to take the ex-shinsengumi and dispose of the street trash." One of them stated to the others. His voice was dry and cracked, as if shards of glass were permanently embedded in his throat and it pierced the ears of Saitou and Sanosuke terribly. The four other hooded men nodded in approval.

"I"LL SHOW YOU WHO'S FUCKIN' TRASH!"

The five strangers attacked and were eating dirt in seconds. The two on Sanosukes' side suffered broken noses and black eyes with other various injuries. The other three (that tried—emphasis on _tried_—to jump Saitou)….let's just say that they won't wake up for a very, very long time.

Sano nudged one of the fallen men with his foot onto his back. The fallen foe groaned in pain, blood soaking his fine silk robes. "Who are these freaks? They're so pathertic, I almost fell sorry for 'em." Sanosuke kicked the stranger, and he groaned in response. "Almost." Sanosuke tried to get a glimpse of what was under the hood, but to no avail. It hadn't even flown off when he'd punched the guy and sent him flying.

"The question is…." Saitou lifted the bleeding man up off the ground and into the air, "…how do they know who I am?"

_And why don't they know ME!_ Sanosuke mentally added; letting the earlier insult hit him just a little too hard. "Well, spit it out!"

"I will divulge nothing….I-I gladly chose death…." The man said. As if on cue, there was a grotesque sizzling and bubbling sound coming from the man's (or monstrosity's?) body and he began to evaporate like water into the air and soon there was nothing left of him but his cloak.

Thunder rumbled, and it began to rain. Lighting flashing far in the distance.

Sansuke looked around and saw the other men had already followed there (supposed) leader to their demise. "What the hell is going on…?" This was getting way out of hand. First, he woke up in the middle of nowhere with the one of (if not THE) biggest asshole on earth (his mind had already rewritten the parts about the nudity and the clothes hanging in the tree…), then he got attacked by the freaks in sheets. Then there werethe screams and gun fire, which undoubtedly were connected to the now deceased men. Could they even be considered such? To make things worse, it was raining again, right when his cloths were starting to dry!

"Ahou!"

What? Sanosuke snapped out of another of his hazes and looked around. Where the hell did psycho cop go? The fighter looked around, no sight of him, the billions of rain drops obscuring his sight. "Where the hell are you!"

"BAKA, OVER HERE, DAMMIT!"

Sanosuke grinded his teeth in anger, he definitely knew where Saitou's voice was coming form now. "WILL YOU CUT IT OUT WITH THE—!"

SNAP, SWISH! "FUCK!" THUD.

Saitou looked down at the man who had been stupid enough to trip over a gnarled tree root, tumble through a huge bush of thorns and stop head first into another tree. Sanosuke was now covered in thorns and mud from the earth. Most likely, if you had seen him from a good distance, he would actually sort of look like an odd hybrid of a rooster and monkey. Saitou snickered at the mental picture.

The mud covered Sanosuke rolled off the ground and wiped the mud caking around his eyes. A smart-ass remark was on the tip of his tongue when he noticed Saitou was staring at something with a look of awe across his features.

"Huh, what's got you sooo—" The awe struck swordsmen took Sanosukes' face and turned it in the direction he was currently looking.

"—Holy shit…."

It was just a normal everyday town in the Meji era of Japan town, with people going on with their everyday lives, as if there was no huge, giant thunder cloud circling the place. The rain was pouring on the two men's side and a sharp crack of thunder rang out in the air, but none of the town's people seemed to notice, as if the rain and thunder didn't even exist. Saitou looked up at the sky. The clouds were parted into a perfect circle around the area and sun light shone out brightly, protecting the town with its warmth. Saitou absent mindedly began to search his pockets for a pack of cigarettes….(twitch)

Sanosuke also looked up to see the gaping hole in the thick, black, gigantic cloud; the rain pounding on his face, freezing him to the bone. Sano looked back at town, the light of the sun only inches from where he was standing in the darkness. He took a step and stuck his arm out into the light. Rain didn't hound him and he could now actually see his mud ridden hand (_I could really use a bath…_) He kept moving until the right side of his body was under the sun, and the other still in the darkness.

The cryptic sight of Sanosuke, half in the light and half in the dark, stirred something inside the cop that made him uncomfortable. Saitou dealt with it in the only way he knew how, when Sano was walking into the sunlight, he stuck out his foot…

Thud. "TEME! What the hell was that—!"

"Ahou," Saitou began to say, but paused to look at the small crowd of people making there way towards them. They looked normal enough, set aside the chilling smiles plastered on each and every one of their faces. They seemed just a little –too- happy. Sanosuke saw this, too, and shivers went down his spine…_Something's just not right… _

"Ahou, I don't think we're in Tokyo anymore."

* * *

TBC...?

Review, pleasepleasepleaseplease! I'm starving for reviews!


	2. Civilization!

Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews! For some reason this story is hard for me to write. Insperation just doesn't slap me in the face with this fic. But I finally got my butt in gear and wrote chapter 2!

No, there is no fluff/shounen-ai/yaoi in this chapter, but be patient, it's coming very soon. I promise.

Also, I'm sort of screwing around with the timeline, as you'll soon find out near the end of the fic.

It's shorter than the last chapter, but enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Two**

* * *

"Ahou, I don't think we're in Tokyo anymore."

_No shit, Sherlock. _Sanosuke once again got up off the ground and he and Saitou were quickly surrounded by the overly cheery villagers.

"Are you boys lost?" Asked an elderly woman, her eyes filled with sympathy. She looked over at Saitou, who was soaked to the bone from rain, his hair a sloppy mess that made him look more like a hobo that lived under a city bridge than a police officer. The old lady shook her head.

"Do you need a nice place to stay? I wouldn't mind taking you in...eheheheh….of course; it won't be for freeee…" The old woman's eyes leered at Saitou and what little rain soaked clothes he had on. He quickly got the hint that he'd be doing something other than regular house hold chores as payment. Making sure Sanosuke wasn't watching, he slowly backed away from the hag and went through the crowd back over to the rooster head, who was getting few questions of his own.

"Wow, mister you're a mess!"

"Are you some kina' street performer?"

"You're not the sharpest tool in the shed, huh?"

Sanosuke scratched the back of his head and removed a few twigs sticking out of his hair along with a small woodland creature that ran for its life back into the dead forest, "Of course I'm a mess! I've been stuck with HIM—" Sanosuke jabbed a thumb a Saitou, who looked at the appendage as if he were about to bite it off and eat it. "—for the past twelve hours! And NO, I AIN'T NO STREET MONKEY!" Saitou snickered at Sanosukes' use of the 'M' word. He had to disagree; this was turning out to be quite entertaining. Before Sanosuke could address the comment about his 'sharpness' a woman in the crowd screamed and a dark clothed man ran apart form the group.

"That man, that man just stole my money!" The woman yelled pointing at the thief. Everyone turned and looked at her. And, well, just stared. "DO SOMETHING SOMEBODY!" The women pleaded.

Saitou looked back at the retreating figure and was just about to deem the sad soul unworthy of his time when the wind picked up and his nose caught the scent of sweet, lovely, cancer giving nicotine. He did a double take, and his eyes almost burst from their tiny little sockets. (twitch, twitch, twitch…) In that creeps mouth was a real live burning cigarette!

It had been 12 hrs, 6 minutes, and 22 seconds since he'd seen one, let alone smoked one. (twitch…) he continued to stare at it hypnotically until the jerk spit it out on the ground and quickly stepped on it to put it out.

(TWITCH…..POP!) (A/N: Sound of popping veins in Saitous' eyebrow….)

"SOMEONE--!"

The ex-captain of the 3rd unit of the Shinshengumi practically flew past the crowd and after the robber as if he'd accidentally set his ass on fire while trying to put out (or light, it's your call) a cig.

Sanosuke went after the thief as well, but his idea was this:

Help girl get back money from thief plus a very happy and grateful (not mention hopefully loaded with cash) girl equals free food and a place to stay for Sano.

Saitou and Sanosuke had the theif pinned down within seconds and the crowd moved from point A to point B simultaneously to get a better look at the event that was taking place.

Sanosuke had to admit, the punk put up a pretty good fight, but he should've known not to mess with a psycho police officer that hadn't had a cig for nearly two days. Saitou did most of the ass kicking, especially when he found out that there wasn't anymore cigarettes left on him, and when he was through with him the guys face was barely recognizable with his broken nose and how purple his face was getting from fresh bruises.

The owner of the small satchel took the bag from the bloody man's hands and gave the disfigured thief a swift kick where his legs met with his body and the man passed out before he even hit the ground. Satisfied with the ten cents she threw in, she took off as quickly as she came. With out as so much as a thank you.

_That ungrateful little…_Sanosuke snapped out of his thoughts to see a huge crowd of people staring at him and the nicotine deprived cop with aw-struck faces. Even some of the peoples jaws were hanging open, their eyes full of excitement.

There was a long awkward pause as the two men stared back at the crowd. The two men glanced at each other, and then back at the mob of people in front of them.

"Ummmm…." Sanosuke took a step back, and crowd took a step forward. "Oooookaaay…"

Then a voice arose from the crowd. "Hey now, make room! Out of the way, let an old man through!" The people obeyed and parted for the man demanding passage. Despite his comment about him being old, he was even taller than Saitou; with long dark hair tied neatly back with a few silver hairs here and there. His eyes were a calm dark cerulean, and the long scar that started from above his left eyebrow and winded down to his collar bone told others that he'd been through more than anyone realized.

"I thank you for helping my daughter. You will have to forgive her, for she is quiet shy." He said, motioning to the girl behind him. The smaller person hid away from the other two behind her father and his extravagant kimono. _This family must be fucking loaded._ Sanosuke thought.

"As you can see, not much of, well, _anything_ goes on in this small little town. My name is Nakashima Masahiro, the leader of this humble little village. Please, allow me to express my gratitude by allowing you to stay at the inn my wife runs." Sano gave the man a doubtful look. "It would be for free, of course."

Sanosuke grinned. Score! "My wife, Michiyo, will lead you there while I take care of this…problem." The older man said; glaring at the still unconscious lump of meat that was once considered an upright citizen. "Michiyo, if you can be so kind…"

"Ehehehehe…." Saitou snapped back to reality at the sound of the all too familiar and quite annoying laugh (He'd been studying the burnt remains of the cigarette that was lying on the earth, and missed out on the entire conversation typed above). An old woman stepped up to them, her eyes leering at the two. She looked over at Saitou and saw that her eyes were screaming in triumph. "You poor boys look exhausted! Follow me….Ehehehee…follow meee…."

* * *

Needless to say, Saitou did his best to keep his distance as far a humanly possible, while Sanosuke walked ahead of both of them, ogling the street vendors that were selling strange exotic fruits and the ramen shops scattered about. Sanosuke was completely oblivious to the earlier encounter that had transpired between the older man and even older woman, and therefore was oblivious to the fact that the old lady was short. Very short. Oblivious because he was too hungry to notice, or just plain stupid. Saitou opted for the latter. She didn't even go past Sano's waist. It didn't take long for the cop to figure out just why she let the rooster lead the way, when he most certainly didn't _know_ the way.

But Saitou didn't have the time or brain capacity at the moment to be pissed off and disgusted that the old hag had a perfect, front row seat view of Sanosuke's ass. (_Better watch were you're going old woman, you might trip and break something…hopefully_) He needed N-I-C-O-T-N-E! And a bath, yeah one of those sounded good at the moment too. Wait a second. Saitou stopped in the middle of the street to gather what little though was left in his brain. After a moment of internal debate…_Shit, now I KNOW I need to find a cigarette!…._He kept walking, ignoring the strange looks he was getting, and the even scarier lookers some of the women were shooting at him.

When they finally stopped at the front doors of what almost seemed to be a palace more than an inn, Saitou finally allowed himself to look up from the ground. It had been so interesting, Saitou almost didn't want to rip his eyes away from it. (Yeah right.)

"Wow…." Was all that Sanosuke could say as he looked over the huge inn with a child like glee in his eyes. The Aoi-Ya was a Barbie doll house compared to the size of the Western styled inn. Saitou had to admit, it was quite impressive for such a small town.

"Boys, welcome to the Nakashima Inn. Ehehehehehee…Or, more like welcome to paradise, if I do say so myself." She said proudly, and the three stepped inside.

* * *

"Ahh….I'm in heaven." Sanosuke declared lazily as he soaked himself in the bath. He silently thanked the gods that the inn, although intent to be western style, had a section for private traditional style bathing rooms such as the one he was currently in. The fighter had taken one look at the bathroom in the room he was staying in and didn't trust that white bowl of death called a toilet one bit. He didn't even want to step into the shower. The silver shower head had leered at him as if ready to explode with water and flood the room at any moment. What the hell were the Americans thinking?

Deciding not to dwinldle on it any longer, he shrugged off all thought and let the steaming hot water he was in melt the mud and grime from the past hours away. He almost fell asleep until he heard the shouting voice of a young girl. He opened his eyes and saw her shadow dance across the thin paper of the sliding door, pacing back and forth in worry like fashion. At least from what he could tell she seemed worried.

"Momo…Momo! Where are you!" The voice whined. "Come back! Now that we've found a place to stay Mugen won't try to eat you anymore…" The voice continued to drone on and on and slowly faded away toward the exit of the baths.

* * *

Saitou sat in the middle of the reasonably sized room silently studying everything his eyes lied upon. The second he stepped inside this room, a strange feeling had been sitting in the pit of his stomach. He didn't mind that the place was western style; in fact he was sitting in one of the chairs right now. Although it looked elegant, he could tell it was probably bought out of a thrift shop and made by a second rate craftsman. Saitou chipped away at the paint at the arm rest. To anyone that didn't know him, he looked as calm, cool, and badass as ever.

"..."

The point of all that distracting elaboration above was to try and forget about the fact that there was only one bed in the room that he was being forced to share with the rooster head. ("Ehehehee…Sorry boys, but I'm afraid you'll have to share a room, seeing as we're booked solid for the next couple weeks. EHEHEHEHEHEE!")

Saitou would've twitched if his eyebrow wasn't already pounding from the headache he was developing between his eyes. He'd used the shower instead of the bath, and now wondered why water had to shoot out at 90 mph just to get oneself clean.

There was a soft knock on the door and a voice, "Rooooom service….eheheee…." The dark haired man rolled his eyes got out of the chair to answer the door. He hoped, for her sake, that the hag was bringing some food. He slowly opened door and saw the old woman with a tray full of all sort of foods.

"Nakashima-san…" Saitou started, eyeing the food like a starving animal. "About the room arrangement…"

"Alright, food!" Saitou was cut short by certain annoying rooster head standing in the doorway. His hair was still damp and he had on a black yukata just like the other taller man was wearing. The moment Saitou had laid eyes on him he'd lost all train of thought and old woman Nakashima (A/N: I'm going to call her that from now on…guess there really was no point in giving her a first name.) had scurried out of the room and left the food on the small table nearby.

Sanosuke jumped at the food and happily started shoving it down his throat. Saitou just slammed the door and flopped lifelessly onto the huge bed trying to shut out the rest of the world.

"Heeeey….Look what I fooound…." He ignored Sanosukes' pathetic attempt to get his attention and imagined himself anywhere but here.

That is, until he felt something like a small box tap the side of his face repeatedly. He swatted the hand and object away and turned to face Sanosuke. One hand was holding a bowl of rice and the other was behind his back. The brunette was grinning madly, with a few pieces of the white rice sticking to the side of his face. The older man just raised and eyebrow, "What is it, ahou?"

Sanosuke just continued to gin stupidly and swayed back and forth on his heels. "Oh nothing….But your gonna love me as much as you hate me in a few seconds…" He said playfully, sounding like a little kid that had found out a huge secret that he wasn't supposed to tell, but of course was going to tell anyway.

"Ahou! Spit it out!"

In a flash Sanosuke jutted out his other hand and showed him his treasure. A pack of cigarettes. Saitou's eyes widened and he quickly reached out and tried to grab the item, but missed by only a second. The younger man cackled semi-evilly and placed the rice bowl on the table. The older got up and quickly pinned Sanosuke against the wall, but all Saitou got in reply to his silent demand was a cheesy smile and wave of both of Sanosukes' hands.

"Where are they?" He said in a chillingly calm voice. The younger man was unaffected, though, and ducked under Saitous' arm that was leaning against the wall and began to walk around all superior like. "Who knows…Who knows…" He said. Sanosuke walked up to Saitou, got right in his face and with a wave of his hands the package of cigarettes had appeared in his hands. Sanosuke had learned all sorts of tricks while living on the street and he was thankful that they were finally starting to pay off.

Saitou continued to stare hatefully at him. He couldn't use force (for fear of being kicked out on his ass and having to hear the rooster whining about it for god knows how long) and even if he did Sano would have used whatever strange tactics to make the pack of cigs disappear again. Then idea popped into his head, but the plan seemed more insane then any other idea he'd ever come up with in his life. He looked at the western clock on the night stand and calculated how long it had been since he'd woken up in the forest and had landed here, then calculated how long it would possibly take to get the cigarettes. Five minutes, that's all he needed he was certain.

_Muahahaha. Let's see how long it takes for you crack, Saitou. _

Lose your rep. for a small pack of cigs? He looked back at the rooster head, who had a look of painfully stupid overconfidence plastered on his face.

It was worth a try.

* * *

What's Saitou's plan? You'll just have to review and find out:) 


	3. Random Flying Squirrels

Thank you for all the great reviews! And like always, I don't own Rouroni Kenshin! (RK cast cheers with joy)

* * *

_Lose your rep. for a small pack of cigs? He looked back at the rooster head, who had a look of painfully stupid overconfidence plastered on his face._

_It was worth a try..._

* * *

Sanosuke just kept smiling stupidly, oblivious to whatever Saitou was planning. Sanosuke was having a blast teasing the older man. He hadn't planned on doing much when he got back from his bath but when he saw the small box he just couldn't help himself. That and ever since he'd met Saitou, Sanosuke had always wondered what kind of strange behavior patterns the cop would fall into when he was deprived of his horrible habit. Yes, Sanosuke was experimenting on Saitou, well sort of. That, and once when he'd gone to visit Megumi at the clinic, he saw a patient that was dieing of—what else?—Lung cancer. That's when Megumi told him about the effects smoking had on the body and how the chances of death were lowered drastically if you quit smoking, no matter what age you were. 

So, was Sanosuke worried about the crazy bastard? Maybe.

Saitou took a step toward the rooster head with a face that said 'If-you-do-not-give-me-what-I-want-I-will-rip-out-your-spine-and-beat-you-with-it!' Harsh, yes. Effective, no. The damn rooster head just continued with his little magic show. That's when Saitou set his plan in motion.

Slowly he walked to Sanosuke, until he had him trapped in a corner. Sanosuke could handle death glares and other sort (see evil spine-beating glare above.) but all he could do was numbly stare at the strange look the ex-shinsengumi was giving him. The next thing he knew Saitou had a hold of both of his writs and was pressing his body against his.

Sanosuke gasped at the strong, hot aura that the older man gave off and the warm breath on his neck. What the hell was Saitou doing? "You know…" Saitou said into his ear softly, giving it a lick, which sent shivers down Sano's back. "You shouldn't tease me…" Sanosuke opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by someone shoving their tongue down his throat. That someone being Saitou. There was the faint taste of nicotine that lingered on Sano's lips as the other man went to suck on an ear lobe, then down to his neck…

* * *

Huge coal black eyes blinked in the darkness. How the hell did it always turn out this way? One minute she was happily traveling along with her master and her companions when a lack of funds and (an even more) lack of food had led one thing to another…..She let out a squeak of frustration and continued to scamper along the ridiculously dusty storage room floor. At least she couldn't get eaten from up here. As she continued to move on (stopping every now and then to shake the dust and dirt from her fur) a strange smell began to fill her heightened senses. Oh, how it smelt so good! She was getting rather hungry… 

Determined to find the source of the delicious sent she ran straight towards it. A small crack of light shone through the (incredibly dirty) hard wood floor down to a room where the smell was most definitely coming from. Fortunately for her, she had jaws of steel and began to chew through the floor as if it were cotton candy. When the hole was finally big enough, she jumped down.

Like most animals, she gracefully landed on her tiny paws and dashed around the table looking for the food. Blinded by her need for nourishment, she ran head first into a huge steaming bowl of, well, _something. _She easily jumped into the bowl and was instantly tangled in the noodles. She let out an indignant squeak of fear as she tried to pry herself from the stringed food, but only succeeded in tying herself up even more.

"Ah…Nnngh….…"

Her ears twitched. What kind of mating call was that supposed to be?

"Ah…right there….keep doing that…."

Whatever, it was none of her business anyway. She bit into one of the noodles and chewed joyously. Finally, some _FOOD!_

* * *

Sanosuke had absolutely no idea what the hell was going on. But he'd be damned if he was going to be the one to stop it. He let out a sigh as warm hand pressed softly on his back and sensually slid down his spine to his tailbone. Hm, maybe he should take away Saitou's cigarettes more often…. 

Saitou was becoming extremely impatient as he continued to suck and bite at one of Sanosukes' now hard nipples. The time constraint he'd set for himself was declining fast. If he if he didn't finish up soon, there would be something else that would get hard and Saitou was trying to keep _that_ kind of sucking out of his plans.

"Aaah…whatever the hell you're doing with that fucking hand of yours, keep doing it!"

At least for now…..

Wait minute, when did he decide that making out with another guy was part of the plan? He originally wanted to just knock Sanosuke senseless and be done with it. Saitous' eyebrow twitched. Damn nicotine withdraws….blaming his situation on that was easier then doing some soul searching at the moment anyway.(Like Saitou was one for 'soul searching' Pfft!)

Oh, hell..._Goddamn you, you damn rooster head!_ Sanosuke had finally decided to do something with himself and had sneakily slid a hand in between the older mans clothes and had gone straight for the goods. It took all of Saitous' self control and then some not to turn the boy over and pound into him senselessly. He still had something else that was only a _tiny_ bit more important that this….

He pried open an eye and glanced at the clock, 10:04. Crap.

Saitou knew the ahou had those cigarettes on him somewhere, and he was going to find them no matter what, dammit.

The two began to unconsciously grind their hips together, and there was a low moan from the pinned Sanosuke as an anxious hand quickly ripped off the sash that was keeping his yukata shut.

That's when the door opened.

"Saitou-saaaan, I forgot to give you these earlier." The owner of the inn said in a playful, and painfully over cheery voice. She walked over and handed over a small box of matches to the cop.

Saitou Hajimes' exact words:

"……."

He was completely speechless. Well, his mouth might have seemed welded shut, but his brain was about have an aneurism with how hard he was thinking. _How the hell do you respond to something like this! Has she been standing outside the room this whole time? How the hell could I have not known about her presence? Why the hell am I rambling like this? (Exasperated sigh) I need a smoke……_

"By the way, have you seen that other young man that was with you? What was his name again?"

_It's Sanosuke you hag! _Sanosuke was quite positive that he looked like a complete fool. Not that he didn't look it all the time….but this was something completely different. Not even five seconds ago he was lip-locked with Saitou (Which he still hadn't come up with an explanation for as to _why_ he was in the first place….) and now he was pinned in between the wall and a book shelf. Saitou had to have been pretty quick and must have some mad Tetris skillz to hide the rooster like that.

"Hmmm….Sasuke…Setsuki….Sashimi….Satoshi?"

_No!_

"Yes, that's his name, Satoshi…." The cop lied with out a second thought.

_NOOOOOOOOO! Fuck, how wimpy does that name sound?_

"And_ no_ I have not seen him…" Saitou answered coolly whilst slowly walking backwards toward the overstuffed bookshelf. He began contemplating all the different ways he could kill her and make look like an accident as he watched her leave the room.

Sanosuke was nervous. He'd heard a door shut and then everything had gotten quiet. _That bastard had better not have forgotten about me…_Sanosuke gave the six foot shelf a push here, there and…SLAM!

Both Sanosuke and the bookshelf hit the floor with loud slam while Saitou picked up the box of cigarettes that had been lying on the floor for the past minute and a half. The fighter was on his feet almost instantly, his expression full of rage.

"TEME! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!"

Silently, Saitou put a cigarette in between his lips, lit a match, and then lit up the cigarette. He took in a long deep breath, savoring his prize. He'd be dammed if Sanosuke was going to ruin this moment. The first cigarette he'd had in almost over to two days.

Sanosuke watched as the older man was….smoking! _Oh, hell no…_The brunette looked down at himself and saw that the thin black fabric that passed off as a yukata at this place was barely leaving anything to the imagination without the sash.

"I told you not to tease me…" Saitou said before blowing out wisps of smoke in Sano's face. An awkward silence followed. Without anything else to say, Saitou went to claim his second prize: Food.

Sanosuke growled as he looked around for the sash to tie his clothes shut. There was too little time and too much thinking to be done over the events that had just transpired between the two. Too bad he was as good at thinking as he was at turning invisible. He looked back over at the table full of food and saw….was that a tail sticking out of that bowl! Apparently Saitou hadn't noticed, as he was busy hogging all the pork buns to himself.

Saitou picked up a pair of chopsticks and broke them apart with perfect precision right down the center. He tuned out the noise of Sanosuke's growling and whining and picked up a bowl of miso—wait was that soba! Saitou set down the bowl f miso he just picked up and dug his chopsticks into the bowl full of Soba.

It was the one thing he would regret for the rest of his life. The next thing he knew he had a face (and mouth…) full of fur and was gasping for air. In a snap Sanosuke was roaring with laughter at the fact the Saitou was getting murdered via suffocation, this almost made up for what happened before….almost. Something was missing….Saitou let out a muffled scream and began to frantically claw at the monstrous squirrel that was mutilating his face. With an iron grip he grabbed the creatures' fluffy tail and flung it across the room right at the door. Just when it seemed the furry animal's fate was sealed the door flew open and the squirrel flew right out into the hall way.

"My goodness that sure was a close one!" The old hag said as the furry animal whizzed by her head. Standing behind here was a group of three strangely dressed people. The male in glasses grabbed the fly animal by the tail and shoved it in the face of the girl in a pink kimono.

"This what you were looking for right?" The man said solemnly. The pink girl nodded. "Good. Then let's pay and get the hell outta here." He concluded, throwing the squirrel at the girl. The whole time this was going on Sanosuke and the other much taller man in their party were glaring at each other the whole time. With a snarl the man with the insane spiky hair style turned and walked back down the hall. The other two soon followed.

"So…..Nakashima-san what bring you here this time?" Saitou struggled not to storm out into the hall and kill every single last person in his sight. He only had soon many blood vessels and brain cells left….

"Oh nothing much, just heard the entire racket and came to…investigate. And please, call me Michiyo-_Chan_….Eheheheee….." Her annoying laughter fluttered along behind her as she walked out of the room. Closing the door behind her.

It took everything the two men in the room had left in them not to hurl.

Sanosuke finally spotted the sash and went to retrieve it. As he bent down to pick it up a wave of nausea hit him like a ton of bricks and he feel to the ground in a heap. Colors and shapes began to distort themselves and the next thing the fighter for hire knew he was out like a light bulb. If their time period had ever had any.

"What the hell?" Saitou mumbled with his cigarette dangling between his lips. He inwardly cringed at the sight of Sanosuke lying there. Regaining his mental composure, Saitou walked over to the unconscious ahou and turned him on his back. There was no point in panicking and rushing. This was Sanosuke after all. The cop opened one of the rooster heads eye lids and checked his pupils. Everything seemed normal enough as his eye responded to the light of the room. He sighed; there was only one thing besides a good punch to the face that could shut this guy up. Saitou went over and looked at the rice bowl that Sanosuke had emptied in mere seconds not to long ago.

There were a few pieces of rice still sticking here and there, but what caught Saitous' attention was the faint white filmy substance sticking to the bottom of the bowl. He dipped his index finger into the substance and examined it. It was a type of sleeping drug; he'd seen this type before in other narcotic bust. It was mostly used to knock out prisoners in prostitution rings and other such shady stuff. Although none were as smooth—Saitou licked his finger clean, he didn't see the harm, as it was just a sleeping drug—or as pure as this one. He went over to the bowl or Soba next. Ignoring the tuffs of fur in the nobles he dumped the contents out onto the table and looked at the bottom of the bowl. Saitou did the same actions and immediately spit it back out into the bowl.

It was opium.

* * *

-whew!- Well now, the next chapter question will be answered and even more will be likely to spring right up! 

Hope to see you all soon!

Til the next Chapter D

Mizurio


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